As I was elected to Congress, there were a couple of things I had to do first before getting to work.

First: I had to think about what the real work was going to be. Yes, I campaigned on medical marijuana, tax breaks for musicians and a college concert fund, but now that I’m in this nice office with a sweet-ass secretary, I think I can just chill. I just want to chill. These benefits rock.

Second: I have to think about how I use language in public. I’m a public figure now, and my memoir laid out my experiences, but a potty mouth doesn’t go over too well with my constituents. That seventy year-old metal-mom who voted for me doesn’t mind, but what about the Christian Rock Fund? They are very successful and I must thank them for going to bat for me. No more curse words. Thank the Lord!!!

Third: Which committees do I need to be a part of? Like I said, I have a sweet job, but I don’t get paid that much and these committees can help me get that boat I want. I’ll still listen to the music and still support the medical marijuana, but hey, I need a place to think. The water calms me down. I can start a committee: The Party Of Artists…  Hmmm. I like that. The Party Of Artists.

I wonder how I can get people to sign up for that. That can be my next campaign… To be continued.

I’m thinking about becoming a congressman. Congressmen don’t get paid that much, but there is a certain amount of power that comes along with being one. Also, I think it’s awesome to have a chance to be called Congressman Coyle. I’ve always been interested in politics because it’s a dirty game; I like dirty games and I’m good at playing them. But ultimately, I want to help my community and focus on the things that affect me and people like me.

Imagine if I did become a congressman in 10 years. There are a couple of things I’d have to do. First things first – I’d have to write a memoir to tell everyone all the things I’ve done. I’d have to let people know that the things I’ve experienced were good and bad, but have shaped my world view. My memoir is my platform. The main problem with my memoir is I’ve done so many drugs I can’t remember a lot of things that have happened to me!

As a congressman, I’d first see about getting medical marijuana into the hands of musicians so they can create and relax. Second, I’d try to get a budget for colleges to fund concerts like they do over in England. It works very well for them and could do well for us as well. Third, I’d try and get a tax break for musicians who are marginalized by internet downloading. So, vote for me, Dallas Coyle for Congress!