As I was elected to Congress, there were a couple of things I had to do first before getting to work.

First: I had to think about what the real work was going to be. Yes, I campaigned on medical marijuana, tax breaks for musicians and a college concert fund, but now that I’m in this nice office with a sweet-ass secretary, I think I can just chill. I just want to chill. These benefits rock.

Second: I have to think about how I use language in public. I’m a public figure now, and my memoir laid out my experiences, but a potty mouth doesn’t go over too well with my constituents. That seventy year-old metal-mom who voted for me doesn’t mind, but what about the Christian Rock Fund? They are very successful and I must thank them for going to bat for me. No more curse words. Thank the Lord!!!

Third: Which committees do I need to be a part of? Like I said, I have a sweet job, but I don’t get paid that much and these committees can help me get that boat I want. I’ll still listen to the music and still support the medical marijuana, but hey, I need a place to think. The water calms me down. I can start a committee: The Party Of Artists…  Hmmm. I like that. The Party Of Artists.

I wonder how I can get people to sign up for that. That can be my next campaign… To be continued.

Tags: congress, dallas coyle