When I was in my office as a new congressman, I got to thinking: What do I want to change? Legalize weed in my district? No, too risky. Prostiution? Not with that Craigslist killer around. Help out musicians and artists? Yeah, that sounds good.

So here’s what I did. I called my friends from all the labels I used to be associated with in my musician days, and I told them to give me a list of all their artists. I would go down the list and contact them all, asking each to call their other congressman. Why?

I’m going to get them the money they are due! I’m tracking down all the internet conglomerates and demand they be fair. I’m going to tax the malarkey out of them. Being a congressman, I can’t curse like I used to. I’m a Christian now and must keep my words clean.

I’m introducing to legislation to give a tax credit to musicians whose music is downloaded, either for free or illegally. Hey, if they are compensated at the end of the year, is it still illegal?

Congressman Coyle