In less than three weeks, my band Burnt by the Sun will go into the studio to record our third and final record. Titled Heart of Darkness, this record is based upon the classic Joseph Conrad novella of the same title. For anyone who’s ever read it, or watched Apocalypse Now (which is loosely based on the book), you know that the themes that are explored in the book are very dark. They deal on one hand with colonialism and racism and the cruelties they brought about in the late 1800s; on the other they deal with the nature of mankind in a way that is both timeless and utterly disturbing.

I don’t want to come off as being another pretentious artist trying to make the most out of this record. But I do feel compelled to share some of the story behind the making of Heart of Darkness. For some time now, I’ve been driven to write a record like this. The themes of that story struck a nerve in me long ago and it has never left me. I suppose it is natural to want to understand human nature more, in particular the dark, scary side. Most of us don’t think deeply of these things, but we all know they exist. People go insane everyday. You see them on the street, surrounded by people but far removed. You hear about them in prison, sentenced to weeks in solitary confinement, a condition which breaks down the body, the spirit and then the mind itself. Others are born with chemical imbalances that render their minds in ways that don’t fit well within our civilization. And other people are haunted by their thoughts, or by the spiritual world, and it leads them, too, to live a life that most of us would consider unconventional.

But there is another type of insanity – if you can even call it that – that does not come about through birth or an abuse of some sort. Some people enter into that world on their own and adopt a new way of seeing things. They see the normal as abnormal. They see right as wrong, and vice-versa. They deny a distinction between good and evil, and build a code that reflects that belief. There is a logic to what they do that justifies their actions to themselves, and recognizing that logic is the most terrifying part of it. That is why stories like Heart of Darkness and Apocalypse Now are so effective. Those stories are not about bad people per sé; there are a million stories of bad people and bad things that we’ve all heard throughout our lives. No, they are effective at scaring the hell out of you because they give you the opportunity to explore the logic of evil. Reading those stories, at some point you find yourself understanding the psyche of these dark characters, and begin to understand and even sympathize with human nature in a way that you did formally wrote off as “insane.” Dig deeper and you begin to give a lot more thought to the story of Adam and Eve, and the questions about original sin and the existence of evil lead you far and deep down a path that grows more and more intimidating as you travel along.

It is in this sense that BBTS: Heart of Darkness is being written.

What has been difficult about writing this record is letting my mind tip into directions which bring me great discomfort. Getting into that mindset is a very dangerous undertaking – as any of you more spiritual types can understand and appreciate. It is like standing on the wrong side of a railing around a cliff, and you’re holding on by the fingers of one hand. You let your body slowly fall backward until you pull yourself back an inch or two, changing hands mid-air. Your faith in God (or whatever you choose to call that mighty positive force in the universe) is what keeps you sharp enough to prevent your fingers from slipping off the railing. And hopping back over that proverbial rail is just like the same thing: you suddenly realize how dangerous your position is and your heart starts to race, your body is almost paralyzed with fear until you are safely on the other side.

What has made things more interesting is that I do not have the answers to the questions that I am asking. The deeper I would dig, the more questions would pop up, and the more I realize that to not answer those questions would not only make for a horribly pretentious and confusing record, but also frustrate me. To do something and not quite know why, and then to explore the questions and come out the other side with no answers was a horribly depressing thought. For a while I was torn about whether or not to continue. But fortunately, some weeks ago we decided what the final track of the record would be, and I had the opportunity to decide the note on which the record will end. By making the decision to change the last line of the record end on the particular note, I chose to bring everything full circle for me, almost in a way that I did not control. It was as if I was being led there. Now, as I continue to write the last few tracks that will compose the lower-numbered tracks on the record, I do not know at this point where I will be taken, but that uneasiness has let up a bit. I don’t know the answers to the questions I’ve been digging into but I do know where the questions end. It is an odd thought.

I have no idea if the lyrics I’m writing for this record will convey any of this, and I’m sure that this blog entry has likely come off as shitty, pretentious self-importance. Oddly enough, for perhaps the first time in my life, I don’t give a shit how I am coming off. Maybe, in the end, that’s what I’m supposed to get out of all of this. I hope some day I can understand why, after so many records that expressed conventional social commentary and concern, I chose to make this my last statement with a hardcore band.

Tags: bbts, mike o